These Things

#sorrynotsorry I haven't updated in a while. It's been finals week here at SUU and I've been surprised to find that I am actually quite active at my school. I have never been an involved person. I try to avoid commitments and fear people truly getting to know me. I like to maintain an aloof persona. It protects me. But, I've started participating. Slowly, but surely. I wrote a proposal for a Writing Center conference in San Diego with my friend Rebekah. I judged and attended the ceremony for an essay contest. I went to a Sigma Tau Delta meeting and am now the Secretary for it. I'm not into the whole busy-to-be-busy thing. I don't like responsibility. But, I guess I'm trying to grow up even if I have to force myself a little bit.

And hey, Christmas break is coming. I can just forget I committed to all of these things until January. Then, I'll start freaking out. Until then, I'm going to focus on bliss.

This photo is one I took of my sister and my cat on Thanksgiving weekend. I stayed at her house one night and took this picture when we all woke up. They are my two favorite creatures in the whole world. Aren't they beautiful?

Late on a Monday

Mondays. I've never dreaded them like most people. They don't debilitate me more than any other day. Strangely, I've sort of grown to dread weekends more. Weekends carry with them the knowledge that they'll end. Mondays are the start of routine. The start of familiarity. The start of slowly working, getting things done. My weekends seem gone too fast and, if I'm honest, they carry so much pressure to be lazy, to catch up on homework, to slow down, to have fun, to do things I want or need to do, that I've allowed my weekends to slip out of my hands and into someone else's. Maybe all of the else's in the world are occupying my weekends. Me doing everything I might want to do anyway, but only because I've heard I should. It robs it of its pleasure.

This weekend is Thanksgiving. A big holiday that has always felt subdued for me. In a good way. I want to occupy this weekend. No pressure. I can do homework if I want. I can eat turkey or not eat turkey if I want. I can paint. I can get closer to my family and try to understand them. I can wake up early and watch the Thanksgiving Day parade, even if sleep sounds better when I'm trying to rise from my bed. It will be worth it in the long run. I like things like that.

I'm tired of letting expectations of what I should do ruin everything altogether. Maybe I'm crazy. I know I've got my anxiety. But, this weekend I'm going to attempt to forget about the "should"'s. They all contradict each other anyway. I'd rather live my own contradictions.

The picture is a screenshot from a music video on Youtube from a long time ago. No memory of which one. Isn't it dreamy?